First Day of School

As a parent you always want to protect your babies. You want to prevent all heart ache and hurt. I always knew this wouldn’t be possible. I always knew there would be times that their hearts are broken. There would be times that someone picked on them. But tomorrow is beyond in so many ways.
I realized this summer how out of control we really are. It is never the stuff we worry about. I assure you I never worried a single day of my life that my child would have a brain tumor. Or a terminal illness. I never lost sleep over the thought of pediatric cancer taking my perfectly healthy baby in one month. Never.
But tomorrow marks a whole new day of fear for me. How do I send my two beautiful babies back into this world. I have been able to control what is said to them. I have been able to help them in their darkest moments. I have been able to see them fall before they got there. Tomorrow I can’t. I can’t control what is said. I can’t control how they handle it. I can’t control what they say. And all I want to do is protect them.
How do I let them on the bus when their sister is not waving goodbye? How do I manage to close that door and be alone? And I really don’t want to think about Friday quite yet. Everyday has its own challenges. So I ask myself how. How do I do this… I missed this chapter in all the parenting books.
So as I struggle I realize I have to have hope. Will someone say the wrong thing ? Absolutely. Will Emilea be a little too blunted? Yes. Will klara be a little scared? Without a doubt. But I know they will do this. Because the love we have will get them through. The love we have gets us through. The love for Melina gets us all there. I want to be angry everyday. But I can’t because that is never who I raised her to be. And I don’t want to be someone I wasn’t because of this. I don’t want her to ever think this destroyed us. She makes us better. She makes us fight. She protects her sisters. Klara and Emilea will do this because we love our family. Klara and Emilea will get through anything in their lives because we will survive it all with love. We will love our way through this and I know in my heart she is always there. And Melina never let anyone pick on her sisters.
So tomorrow is a whole lot of junk. But tomorrow we will love our way through it. We will find her smile in that mess. We will do this because we choose to always find her joy. So tomorrow I will find my girls’ smiles. And I will hold on to those until the bus brings them home. So if you see my girls give them an extra squeeze for me and let them know mommy loves them hard. 💛💚🌈