Absence

This weekend is the beginning of really hard. Really hard moments. And the anxiety of the feelings to come is scary. But what really hurts the most is not only the loss of Melina but it’s the absence. It’s big moments when you feel that kick in the gut that she is missing.
The normal day to day keeps you distracted. Klara and Emilea are busy with school and activities and in moments you don’t quite feel the loss as prominently. We are very aware she isn’t with us. But for a brief moment we are doing daily life and the pain is not as intense because she wouldn’t be at that activity. She wouldn’t be doing homework. But holidays make it unavoidable.
I can’t even express the feeling when I go to take a picture of the girls in their costumes. Taking the picture of just two is when the absence hits you like a load of bricks. She isn’t where she always stands. Her lasting costume is Cinderella. That’s just so impossible to comprehend. How is there only two? Those are the moments that can literally knock you to the ground.
For us holidays are reminders that she is gone. There is one less of everything. Somehow in that we have to keep going. Somehow I have to take that picture. Somehow I have to hand out candy, without my partner in crime. Somehow we have to carve our pumpkins without that crazy hair and funny smile. Somehow we will.
In all of these moments we push to find her. Because absence doesn’t stop love not for one second. Absence doesn’t destroy a bond that can never be broken. Absence will never take that laugh that smile and that joy from my heart. Absence can break a heart but her joy will always put it back together. 💚💛🌈