Ready or Not

Ready or not.

Everyone often asks why Fridays are my hardest days. Fridays will forever be my hardest days. Because Fridays were our days, Melina and Mommy. Klara and Emilea went to school and off we went.

Ready or not every Friday Melina would come running Into our room saying “let’s go we have errands to run”. After we got her sisters on the bus our Friday adventure began.

Melina and I talked, shopped, and always had Starbucks. Every once in awhile she decided we had time for me to get my coffee at Dunkin. But whether I was ready or not Friday we were going shopping.

But that was always Melina, ready or not she was going to tell you what you needed. Ready or not she was going to demand what she wanted. We all gave in to Melina. I mean she was number three, we were tired, and that crazy hair. How could you say no?

Ready or not Melina was always in control. And right now she still leads us. I was not ready for her time with us to be over. I am not ready for the ache that follows. But ready or not we have to keep going everyday. Ready or not we have to keep finding joy. And ready or not I have to do it without her.

Melina was always ready. And I truly feel in my heart she had her peace with what was happening. Melina also knew and was ready for this foundation. Melina knew we wanted to help other kids. And I know she is ready to fight this battle.

We got to meet with her oncology team on Friday. I was not ready. I was not ready to see their faces again. Not for the reasons everyone thinks, because they will always have a special place in my heart. But I was not ready to hear them talk. I was not ready to know about Melina’s tumor. But I was ready to make promises that we are coming. I was ready to talk about what differences we want to try to make. I was ready to gain some control with these tumors. I was ready to share our passion for answers. And I was ready to see the most wonderful, gifted people tell me they are all in #allin#choosejoy