It’s Friday, and it’s a birthday week in our house. We cherish every birthday. We learned how quickly all that can change. Fridays are always hard. I miss her everyday but Fridays really hurt my heart and birthdays are tough. As my girls age I realize how far apart they become. They were 22 months apart on both ends. So as birthday come and go to think one is forever four is just brutal.
This week we get to prep for two parties. One for our birthday girl Klara and one for our fight. While I realize my heart will always ache, this week is a little different. Big events are hard for me. Am I scared to speak… no. Am I worried we will make mistakes…no. Do I worry there is enough cheeto…yes! I worry I won’t represent her in the perfect way. That I won’t be enough. So every time my heart aches this week I remind myself that next Saturday I get to fight for my girl. While I didn’t have a chance when she was on this Earth I have the chance now. I have the opportunity to fight for not only my Melina but every child that didn’t have a voice when they needed it most. And I will never stop.
So this Friday as I reflect on birthdays and the ones missed I force myself to refocus. I will focus on the joy of double digits, 10. I will focus on the fact that we get to celebrate. I will focus on the fact that my girls always carry their sister with them and no birthday changes that. And when those crushing thoughts of absence hit me I will focus on her presence. I will focus on the gift I get to share next Saturday. I will focus on Melinas purpose, I will focus on her Joy.