Choices

Choices. Somedays we are forced to make choices we don’t want to make. Over the last three months, we have lived in a place of making constant choices. The unknown and the horrible ones. Each and everyday though I continue to make choices. I choose to get out of bed. I choose my girls. And I continue to choose Melina.

The pain is very real and I can’t avoid that. I don’t want to because that is how much we love her. I promised Melina that I would live with a lifetime of pain but I could not let her suffer. That was a choice, to always put her needs above our own. Keith and I made choices to have three beautiful baby girls. Those choices are what keep us going. Right now we choose Klara and Emilea everyday. We choose their happy. We choose Melina’s legacy, honoring her.

I was talking with a dear friend of mine who chooses to walk this path with me. We talked about how Melina truly was a joyful kid. Klara is my worrier, emmie is carefree, and Melina was joyful. When she said that I realized how those descriptions fit.

Therefore each day, with all the tears, we continued to choose joy for Melina. We choose joy for her sisters because they deserve the best life that we can give them. I choose to carry the pain, but I choose to get up. We make lots of choices everyday. However I have learned that most of the things I worried about were so petty. I need to focus on the joy, and the rest just follows. So as much as I miss my baby, more than any words can ever express, we make our choices everyday. Some days are much harder than others, some choices are harder than others. But we keep choosing joy, we are fighting for it, and are beyond grateful for all of you that continue to choose it with us.