All Because…

All because…Our family has had some changes recently. Good changes. My sister had her first child. A beautiful little baby girl!

I am learning with every life change,big or small, Melina’s absence is so present. Whether it is the moments of “what would she think,” or “would she approve,” or the heart breaking thought “she would love this so much,” life goes on with this missing piece of our family heart. And somedays it aches so hard it is unbearable.

Yet just when I think this is too much, I am reminded by others of her. This weekend we had amazing things happen for our Foundation. We are in the mist of planning our biggest event ever. I get so worried that I will fail her and in the mist of that doubt I was gently reminded of my why. Right in all of this amazing chaos my mom looked at me and said , “all because of one beautiful little girl”.

And that one hit me hard. Yes I miss her more than life. I miss her in ways I could never express to anyone. I miss her in ways only Melina could know. Yet in that one moment instead of the what ifs, there she was. I reminded myself I never did this for any reason but to save another mother. To save another family of this pain. And for that I will always fight. And in turn I watch my Melina’s Joy spread. Honestly it amazes me.

I will never understand this pain. This I know. But there are moments when I can see Melinas impact. I can see how people find her Joy. And when they do, we all win. And from now on in those moments when someone chooses Joy I will think to myself…all because of one beautiful little girl.